If everyone felt the way you did, wouldn't it be a different world? If everyone adhered spontaneously to your every need, your every thought, your every feeling? However, you will need to become skilled in the art of negotiation, because life doesn't work that way.
After all, neither side holds all the aces in negotiation. So, what is the right way to proceed when both sides want to win? There are five steps here:
1. Establish the relationship
Before going further, a wise negotiator will establish the relationship. Doing so helps you to get a feeling for the person you are dealing with. Though frequently overlooked, "feeling" is an important part of negotiation itself. So be open and sincere at all times. Honesty, integrity and dignity are values that are tangible, and the framework on which constructive negotiations are built.
When the other party trusts you, you are ideally situated to negotiate, not just as a business owner, but as a human being. The secret to successful negotiation is trust, which is earned from that trust and confidence.
2. Choose “honey over vinegar”
With honey, you'll do better than with vinegar – but honey has to be pure. It is easier to persuade others with polite requests and a positive attitude rather than with rude demands and negativity. Never underestimate other peoples' intuitive ability to feel who you really are. Feelings that clearly can not be disguised are disingenuous, manipulative and secretive.
You, too can feel when bargaining whether the principles of the other side are subpar or totally lack credibility. In the entire arena of negotiation, there is no greater red flag.
3. Focus on the win-win
The only way to go is by win-wins. You are a lousy negotiator if you enter a negotiation thinking only about yourself. It is important to consider what both parties need, and to work with those concerned. Bear in mind that seeing things only in black and white (win-lose) produces narrow thinking; successful negotiating requires imagination.
In the end, all concerned individuals could find themselves on the same side of the fence. Keep an eye out for the big picture and don't get caught up in the little stuff. Keep away from the weeds.
4. Embody your inner adult
Never forget that there is an inner adult and an inner child in everyone. It is fascinating to witness how even high-level business agreements break down when someone begins to think childishly at the table, instigating the action in others. Bear in mind that everyone else goes out of sync when you see this happening.
Be the stable anchor, at the table, the respectful adult. Helping people back into balance is always best achieved by example. Take the high road that embodies the inner adult. Try to understand instead of argue.
5. Respect the rhythm of the relationship
Always remember that everything has a rhythm. Don't push it. Sometimes it's best to say nothing at all. And never forget that silent pauses can be a very important tool. try to offer some time and space to yourself and others to focus on all that has been said.
Anyway, don't rush it. Try to feel, including yourself, the normal and natural rhythm of all the people at the table.
Ultimately, you will be well on your way to mastering the art of negotiation by following those five points. Relationships are all about negotiation. Any person will win by fostering and maintaining a good relationship with everyone at the table. Not only can you build an arrangement, you develop both a long-term relationship and a reputation.
You develop yourself as a top-rank business person by mastering the subtle art of negotiation, and that in itself can lead to even greater opportunities in the future.